Dance ,Dance.. Remix!!! Hehe.. Gt nth better to do.. Just when search2 lor.. Haiz~..
Anyway, it beens tuck in my mind about this...
Am I scared of Death?? Wat do i think about death?U noe, sometime, i think that i want to die before doomsday lah.. I just donno why i keep thinking about.. I too nt sure that am i ready to die.. Bt some ppl said that we shud be ready to die.. Bt 4 me, im nt sure.. As i havent even did any good deeds.. I haf thought that im always full on sins.. Among so many ppls i always thought i have the gretest ones.. Bt when i looked at some.. Their sins is much heavier than mine..
I always thought, when will change.. By meaning changing bcum a real Islam.. Yeah~.. When is the day?? Day?? Date?? I want to die wif nt full of Sins.. I really wants.. But we all didnt noe when do we die.. It may tonght or tmr or when?? I always think tat way.. Bt whenever i thought, i did nt haf the feeling of changing.. I meant real change.. When im thinking, i will always said that after this i want to change.. Bt still nt.. Haiz~.. Wad goin to happened??
I also realise, there no use using penknife or wadever things to hurt urself.. I use to do it.. When i think back, i better die then hurting myself.. Wad 4 stay in this world when u hurt urself.. U better die then only god will hurt u at the other world.. Since u want to be hurt.. Go die n let God hurt u by gettin all the punishment tat u done in the world.. Ryte??
Im nt sindir u Fil.. Its my thought.. Its running very wild nowadays..
I experienced one nyte that i noe tmr i will die.. I cried the whole nyte.. I cant stop crying.. All i did is get out from bed n prayed to clean my heart n thoughts.. I prayed to God that let me be live longer.. I dont want to die nw.. I want to change n die in a good way wif all my sins been forgiven by everyone n U(God).. Bt the whole nyte i cant sleep.. Im scared of dying on that day.. Some how i noe that i will die the next morning.. But thank God nth happened..
The next thing i experienced was, i was willingly to die for my love ones.. I wrote this letter to my mom...
Dear Mom,
Im sorry for wad i did for the 15 years +.. I noe i had made so much trouble for u.. But wadever it is I LOVE YOU... I donno wad goin to happen if 1 day u die.. If God let me noe that u will die later, I'll be the 1st to sacrifice my life for u.. In the family, Father n Brother need u than me.. U are the most important prsn in the family.. Im just a gal hu is learning hw to grow up.. BLABLABLA
The blababla is personal uh...
But on that moments i willing to die for my love ones.. Die for my friends n family.. Ppl need that prsn more than me.. It just struck me that im willing to die.. Just coz' of them.. I will.. I dont want me to miss them.. Coz' its goin to be hard.. It better me off 1st.. I cant lead lyf w/o the prsn i love.. Its hard 4 me to move on.. This just my fave Uncle off to see God.. I almost cant live.. But till nw, im thinking bout him.. Its hard for to move.. It been years he off to see God, bt still i cant 4get him.. Its very hard...
Haiz~.. Wad a sad post... ='(
